What I think of my body 18 months out….

When I set my goal weight of 65 kgs it seemed like a bit of a magical number that I never thought I’d actually reach. The elusive 65kg mark, in my mind, was a mythical thing almost like a unicorn rarely seen, special and beautiful. It has taken a while for my head to catch up to my physical changes and over the last wee while I’ve been thinking critically (but not negatively let’s get that straight right now) about how my body looks now.

There’s two main and different states of my body now clothed and unclothed. Let me tell you there is a huge difference between the two states. While clothed I look about how I expect to in terms of size and shape. I do look different depending on what I wear and some things make me look tiny while others don’t but that’s okay. I’m always so surprised how much better things fit my body in terms of overall shape and fit of garments and it makes shopping much easier I have to say.

On the other hand naked me at goal weight is not what I expected. I never came into this process with the expectation that I would lose a huge amount of weight and be prancing around with a toned, tight, spectacurlarly beautiful body at the end of all of this. Overall my skin has feared much better than I could have hoped but it’s still not something I’m going to show off for fun either.

I don’t know if it’s still my brain catching up with my body but I don’t think I look as small as I thought I would naked at my goal weight. I do think that my perceptions are probably still a bit skewed from being morbidly obese and not having any perception or awareness of how a 65kg body would look unclothed. I imagine, if this is just a bit of skewed perception, it will continue to change and my brain may catch up a bit more.

Since I’m smaller than I’ve been in my teen and adult life I can really notice small differences in my body now. At around 61-62 kgs my tummy gets a bit empty and my skin, in my opinion, looks worse whereas at around 63-64 it has a little bit more padding behind it and the skin is not so wrinkly. I also am a bit surprised by how bony my chest is now but that’s possibly because I never saw those bones before. I can now almost tell my weight based on how many of my chest bones I can see, there really is a first time for everything right?

Please don’t get the premise of this post wrong I’m pretty happy with my body overall it’s just, at this point, a little different than what I expected. Prior to surgery I used to try and cover up as much of my body as I could because I was embarassed about now I looked. Now I have a few wee areas where the skin isn’t so great like the bottom of my tummy, the tops of my arms and the top inner thighs but in terms of general shape and size I don’t want to change a thing.

I do wonder where these influences have come from and wonder how much of it is from the media. While I know most images of models, especially in media, are not real I think I would be crazy to say none of it has invaded my way of thinking about my own body. I guess I had an idea in my head when I was at my starting weight and I don’t think my body has ended up looking like what I thought it would. That’s okay and I’ve written this post because I think it’s good for others to know that your body may not end up how you think it might and its good to be prepared for anything.

I think I might revisit this topic again in another 6 to 12 months to see if and how my thoughts around what my body looks like have changed again. Certainly, as my head catches up my perception is bound to change. Has you body changed in ways you didn’t expect before through weight loss (gastric bypass or other bariatric surgery or otherwise), pregnancy or something else? Let me know in the comments below what you think influences and shapes our perceptions about our bodies.

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There are 6 comments for this article
  1. Maddy at 11:24 am

    Personal perception of your own body is hard huh? One thing I find myself thinking is I imagine how I’d like to dress and then remember that no matter how much weight I lose, my legs won’t magically grow longer, my face shape won’t actually change. I imagine for you it’s a whole ‘nother whirlwind of thoughts as you discover parts of your body you’re not familiar with.

    I’ve been looking at ‘fitness guru’ bodies this morning after seeing a post from a healthy living blogger who isn’t trying to lose weight but is trying to gain strength and so is working with a personal trainer. The changes to her body that she lists in just a few weeks are insane. I’ve always been very very reluctant when it comes to exercise but I do find myself thinking – I wonder what my body would look like if I started to really seriously get into fitness. Would I actually look like one of those sun kissed, fitness gurus? Or would I just be me, only more toned…

    Cutting through what I think I should look like thanks to the media vs what I actually want to look like vs what I actually can look like is confusing.

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 3:48 pm

      Hey Maddy, Yes ain’t that the truth there’s things I’ve never realized about my body until now which is mystifying at 28 haha! It’s amazing watching my body change with exercise now too, you really should give it a go. If you don’t like how its changing you can always find different ways to do exercises to get the results you want. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my blog I really appreciate it!

  2. Rina at 10:50 am

    When you lose weight, the fat is lost in a ring all around your body. That’s probably why you don’t look ‘as small’ as you expected.

    In saying that, perspective on size is subjective. With some more time, you may notice the people that are around your current size more, and be able to feel more comfortable with where you are at.

    I I hope your exercise routine works well. It would be interesting to see your now-photo, and then again in a while to see how it’s changed.

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 8:51 pm

      If you want to see some recent photos look through my posts and my gallery there’s quite a few around my blog now. I am going to re-visit this topic again in 6-12 months to see how my views change as my head catches up with body what I think then.

  3. Nigel Pearson at 10:52 am

    Thanks for sharing your introspection on the topic of your body.
    I am pre-surgery, and as I have investigated the pros and cons of embarking on this path the issues of my body shape and my excess skin have become evermore apparent. At age 55 I am also very aware that I am aging, and when I hear some people’s concern about how they might look post-surgery I wonder if it’s not a bit unrealistic? Many people undergoing bariatric surgery are never going to be swimsuit cat-walk models (if they ever were) in the future. However, we should accept who and what we are with grace and humility. Many recognise that true beauty comes from within. The higher goals of good health and happiness should not be taken away from us by unrealistic ideals of glamour – whether self-imposed or otherwise.
    P.S. In case it makes a difference to you, I am a male.

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