I can remember when I first became aware of weight…
One thing that has taken me by surprise since losing 70 kilos is just how bony my chest is. I had been overweight for as long as I could remember so there were some features of my body that I had just never seen before. My collarbones were one of those things.
When my collarbones first became visible I was absolutely stoked. To me they look so beautiful and feminine and were something I had admired on others in the past. As I lost more weight and became fitter my chest became more bony and some of the ribs beneath my collarbones have become visible. I am around my goal weight of 65 kilos and have a BMI of 23. This is in the healthy range and if you want to classify it further in the upper range of the ‘healthy’ category.
There was a time not too long in the past when I used to think that if your chest bones down past your collarbones were sticking out then clearly you were just too skinny and that it couldn’t be healthy. It’s not something that I ever expected to happen when I reached my goal weight and I have a kind of love/dislike relationship with my bony chest (hate was too strong word). What this has reinforced to me is that there are many different kinds of body shapes that are healthy and there are some things that you cannot change such as your skeleton.
I guess where this leads me to in a bariatric surgery context is don’t invest too much thought in how your body is going to turn out when you get to your goal weight. Our bodies will do what they will do and some things are totally out of your control. Just because someone elses goal weight body looks different maybe bigger or smaller than yours does not mean it is not healthy.
I think my mind is catching up to my body and is starting to normalise to a degree just what a body at a healthy weight looks like and actually how big it is. I think because I was so overweight, to the point of being morbidly obese, the smaller people at healthy weights seemed so small and freakish to me.
I think it’s a good reminder in not being judgmental when looking at others bodies and their own quirks. You never know the road the person has travelled with their body and the demons they may still have in relation to that. I’m still constantly learning and figuring things out about myself and how I see the world around me since having my gastric bypass and losing over half of my body weight.
From the outside the physical changes resulting from my gastric bypass and associated weight loss are significant and noticeable. This is totally to be expected. What’s becoming apparent to me is just how much mental revolution there has been and is still going on inside my head. This whole journey (gosh I hate calling it that but can’t think of a better word!) has really reinforced to me that so much of what you think and why you think it is based on your own circumstances and your place in the world.
I’m glad I’ve gained this new perspective and I’m getting a bit deep but in a way I kind of feel like I’ve had the opportunity to live two totally different lives. The experiences I’ve had at 132kg and 65kg and everywhere in between have taught me so much about life, the world and myself. It gives me a unique place to understand and be able to empathise with so many more people.
Have you noticed your perceptions change with your body size? Comment below and let me know I’d love to know if you have noticed a difference too.