Be careful who you complain about your weight to ….

Be careful who you complain about your weight to ….

I was reminded recently that having had weight loss surgery puts you in a weird position. I was having a whinge about the fact that I’m not losing weight as fast as I would like to after having my baby and it was not received well. I get where they were coming from but sometimes it sucks when people don’t have any compassion for the hard stuff around your weight.

Something that’s really important to know and recognise before you have weight loss surgery is that by losing weight you are not magically going to get rid of all of the hang-ups you have about your body. You may be more satisfied with the number on the scales but even then that’s not guaranteed. That number fluctuates all the time, much to my surprise and annoyance when I figured that out, and sometimes it starts to seem outside of your control again.

You know when you’re talking to someone and they make a comment, give you a look or you just get a vibe from them and it makes you want to change the subject and stop going on about it. This has happened to me quite a few times after having my baby and finding myself with more than a few extra kilos to lose.

I remember before my weight loss surgery one of my friends was complaining to me about needing to lose something like 5-10kg. I said something about wishing that was all I had to lose instead of 60kg and that she should count herself lucky. She put me in my place right there and said that just because she wasn’t in the same place as me, she was still allowed to feel how she did about her situation. This reminded me of that and being on the other side was interesting.

Currently, I am sitting about 12 kilos above where I was before I got pregnant and of course it’s playing on my mind. My history before having weight loss surgery is that I was able to lose weight and quite significant amounts, but I could never keep it off. There is always a lingering fear in the back of my mind that, one day, I’ll find myself back at 132kg and morbidly obese again. All of this is playing into my current anxiety about my weight.

If I had been having this conversation with a fellow weight loss surgery buddy I wouldn’t have had to explain. They would have understood without the back story since I’m sure they would have the same or similar fears around their weight long-term. It’s important to have people that can relate to you and who get it after weight loss surgery and this was a reminder that maybe I should be a bit more considered in who I talk to this about.

Generally, I think this is a good reminder for us all to try and be compassionate and empathetic towards each other. Everyone has their struggles, everyone has feelings and we all need to talk it out and get a bit of support sometimes. The way we respond to others will inform how much they share and how comfortable they are sharing their vulnerable sides with you. Our ultimate strength lies in our vulnerability and we need to embrace it to grow.

It’s interesting to see my transformation and how far I have come in this context. Before having weight loss surgery and reaching this point I would have loved to have all of 12kg to lose. But now, being on the other side of it, I recognise that the shitty feeling I have around it is very similar to how I felt about myself before my surgery when I was morbidly obese. While my body has changed significantly my brain can still be the same jerk it was before. Yes the physical side of weight loss surgery is difficult but the mental and psychological side of it can be so hard too. You constantly have to challenge your own thoughts and be on the lookout to stop the mean little voice that resides inside your head.

Have you found that some people just don’t get your struggles now that you’re in a vastly different position to where you were before? Do you save your whining for weight loss surgery buddies who get it? Comment below and let me know.

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There are 11 comments for this article
  1. Sarah at 9:41 am

    I had a similar experience after the birth of my first child and t really thew me. I found discussing my weightloss post baby within the wls community better suited my needs- those people “got me” and had lots of helpful advice.
    Weightloss post baby is tough whether you’ve had wls or not! It took me a good 5 months to get back to my pre baby weight and it was heaps harder to get there- getting back to basics was key. 3 meals of only protein,2l of water a day and as much exercise per week as my schedule allowed (walking, treadmill running, personal trainer etc).

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 9:45 am

      I’m glad to hear it’s not just me. Everything is slowly getting back to normal and you’re right I just need to give it time. It’s so important to find WLS buddies because they do just get it.

  2. Danii at 7:37 pm

    Hay Melissa,
    Me again who had my boy the same day as your girl 😁
    It’s funny because we had pretty much the same total weight to lose post baby and I’m also now still needing to lose another twelve to get back to where I was. Although I was heavier than you to begin with 😆
    Anyways I guess what I’m saying is it reassuring to hear I’m not the only one in this boat. It’s hard work but worth it! I’m hoping to go back to the gym this coming week but am not sure how that will go with my little one as I have to take him with me (and I live in Whanganui so gyms don’t have childcare here haha)

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 8:18 pm

      Hey Danii, I hope things are going well with your little boy! Our little lady is growing so fast and I miss my newborn already. Oh wow, that is interesting that we’re at the same point. It is looking like hard work but we can do it, I’ve started walking and have already done a 5k so it’s going well. I just need to get into a good routine with it. Fingers crossed the background noise will keep your bubba asleep and you can gym to your hearts content, or at least for as long as you need!

  3. Nerids at 5:41 pm

    I find I can’t talk about having gained weight with anyone, especially as I have a friend who had wls and has almost gained all her weight back. I feel like everyone is watching me to see if I do the same. I’m about 5k heavier than I want to be after a really difficult year health wise and am struggling to re-lose that weight. You’re so right that our fears don’t go away after wls. You’re always going to have our support without any explanation needed xxx

  4. Ruth Conradie at 6:10 am

    Hi guys this is the first time I have ever been anywhere near a blog, I had my surgery aprox 5 years ago I put a lot of weight back on after having a baby I started drinking couldn’t cope with the loss of my best friend food. Most of my life I have suffered from depression so that didn’t help I stopped drinking, over the last couple of years began to notice that my memory was dramatically changed I couldn’t remember simple things my short term memory is terrible. I forget leaving pans on the gas, having conversations, my motor skills are deteriorating, this is related to the surgery and B1 deficiency,
    What I have got is a type of dementia but none progressive it can be tret , please keep a check on these things and monitor, a deterioration of eye site blurred vision, deterioration of motor skills, and deterioration of short term memory.
    Sorry if Iv made you depressed, as for your weight problem, I decided a long time ago not to worry about my weight. I would like to loose a lot more weight and I will, but I don’t talk to myself about it because then I would be thinking about it all the time, life is to short the media should be banned from airbrushing and photoshop. It’s sick. Be happy and drink water with lemon, take care everyone.
    take your vitamins if you are going to eat crap, eat the good stuff first,

  5. Teresa at 2:02 pm

    Thank you for putting in words how I am feeling. I’m quite teary at the moment by feeling totally out of control.

    I lost some of the regain between baby 1 and baby 2. I have 30kgs of regain and feel like a failure.

    My pouch still works but 14 years out from surgery it seems like my head is still in pre-surgery morbidly obese panic brain mode.

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 11:31 am

      Hello Teresa, I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time at the moment. The great thing about control is that you can always get that back. You haven’t failed, there might be some more work to do but you haven’t failed. Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been taking small steps to try and get control over my eating and I’m making progress. The first week was really hard but as I’ve pushed through I realised yesterday that it’s not so hard anymore. You still have your amazing tool, you still have that advantage, you will get back to using it in the best way possible.

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