Fighting regain and hitting rock bottom

Towards the end of last year my weight started hanging firmly round my goal weight. I never want to lose the fight against weight regain and maintaining my weight is one of my top most priorities. I’ve been finding it so frustrating though and honestly at the moment I’ve lost most of my motivation.

For about the first four months of this year I had been so incredibly focused on exercise and keeping myself really fit. I enjoy exercise and love how good I feel after getting my sweat on. I thought that this was going to help me keep my weight down and hopefully get it back under my goal by a couple of kilos and it’s gone in the opposite direction. I’m now a couple of kilos over my goal weight.

I have not been happy with this but since I still fit my clothes, and some of those better than when I was hanging around my goal weight, I decided it must be muscle and haven’t let it worry me too much. Then about a month ago I decided I would get back on the exercise wagon since I had let it slip a bit. The first few weeks although I was really busy I still managed to get a really good amount of exercise in.

I decided to clean up my eating habits as well because a few snacks and things I knew I shouldn’t be eating had snuck back in and I wanted to get both my diet and exercise under control to see the results in my weight I wanted. The first couple of weeks I lots about 300-400 grams in weight and I was happy but I also know it takes a while sometimes for my body to start responding.

Then in the third week I lost a kilo and this got me thinking I was on top of it all again and hey look I was halfway there already. Then the next week was the week before my period and I put on 900 grams even though I had still been eating well and exercising. From this point my weight has stayed at my usual sticking point of a couple of kilos over goal weight and I’m over it.

Last week was the worst week food and exercise wise I’ve had in a very long time I fell off both bandwagons. I did absolutely no exercise and ate basically whatever I wanted. I’m just so over trying so hard and doing everything right and not getting what I want out of it. I hit the wall after being so busy planning and executing my little guys birthday party that even though it was a short week with Queens Birthday holiday on Monday it felt like a long week. I was absolutely exhausted.

I knew that I had been reaching the point of complete exhaustion and was half expecting myself to have a breakdown but I managed to get through everything. From this perspective I think I needed last week to recouperate, catch up and just have some space in my head not being as focused as I usually am. Sometimes I think it’s important to let yourself have time like this because, before you know it, you do tend to snap out of it and when you do you really find your focus again. This is how it usually works for me anyway.

This week I thought I would get right back into exercise and eating well. I now have a cold and I’m super busy at work. I’ve organised my week with meal planning and meal preparation to make sure the eating well part is easy and can just happen. Now that I’m sick though I’m not sure how well, if at all, the exercise bit is going to pan out. I was going to exercise tonight but my nose is running like a tap and mix that with getting hot from exercise (which in my case makes it worse) and I’m not up for that to be honest. I usually lose my focus with exercise over winter and now I know why. The constant rain stops me getting outside, which I love, and the coldness makes me want to stay cuddled up in layers of lovely clothes.

I have signed myself up for the Walking Stars Half Marathon and I’m planning on doing the Skechers 12K (a new event and you get a medal!) in November this year. I know that having goals and events like this planned, signed up and paid for really helps motivate me. I’m so annoyed that I’m getting unwell and I can’t start working towards them but I guess I just have to let my body work through it and then find my focus.

I hate that I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon because I really love how I feel when I’m really fit. I know the first couple of weeks when I get back to it will be harder than usual and it’s going to take me a while to build my fitness back up to where it was before. I’m considering going out and buying some new workout clothes because I know new activewear really gives me the push I need to get my workout gear on and get it done.

My current status is that I have this annoying 2 kilos over my goal weight hanging around. I’m past the rock bottom I hit last week with eating and exercise but I’ve only climbed back on the food bandwagon this week. I try and stay positive here and be a motivation to you all but sometimes I need to concede defeat and admit that I’m struggling.

How are you going? Are you managing to keep on top of your fitness goals over winter? Comment below and let me know, maybe you can give me some inspiration.

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There are 15 comments for this article
  1. Sarah at 1:56 pm

    Oh dear Melissa. It sounds like you are physically and mentally exhausted; and beating yourself up over 2kgs is not being kind to yourself. Yes, I know you don’t want to gain anymore weight, but perhaps now, when you are so frazzled is not the best time to tackle it. Why not take a few weeks to get on top of your health – during this time just be happy with maintaining your current weight; then start to revisit things when you have the mental space to do it. Above all show yourself compassion; and cut yourself some slack for a few weeks. Look after yourself. Sarah xx

  2. nzanabels at 4:58 pm

    You are right that having a cold is not the time to really push the exercise. If you have managed to keep your eating more or less on track that is good, especially if you also focus on nourishing your body with what it needs to heal. I am consoling myself that so long as I can run 9 kilometres in a week by September I can get fit enough for the 12k! You will need a little more because of your Half later in November but you can get there! Be kind to yourself, do what feels good to your body. Perhaps some yoga so you can wear more layers without overheating but still feel like you are doing *something* to keep the habit there. Hope the cold gets better quickly so you can get back into it!

  3. Natasha at 7:32 pm

    Ugh I feel this. I was stuck at a weight plateau for what felt like a month and I’ve only just been able to break through it. It’s frustrating and disheartening, because even though I accept and love myself the way I am, I want to be at my goal – as do you! It sounds like you have some good plans in place for breaking through it though!

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 10:49 pm

      That’s awesome to hear you have broken through yours! It seems silly at times only being a couple of kilos but I can’t help how much it bugs me. I’ll get there and I always pull myself out of these things I just need to give myself time to get through it.

  4. Pauline at 8:43 pm

    Awwwww…. that makes me feel awful. You have been listening to all our woes and encouraging us for weeks whilst you have been fighing ‘demons’ of your own! You are such a motivated organised person Melissa, and I think you need to just cut yourself some slack. I had such a positive appointment with Bronwen and Caryne today and they reminded me that we can’t always be at the top of our game all the time, but being aware that we are not, and not losing site of where we want to be is a huge part of getting back on track. Allow yourself the time to get your energy levels back up, and I am sure your motivation and determination will kick in again, and if it doesn’t, I hope you know that we are here to give you all the support and motivation you need to get back there just like you have done for so many of us so many times……. 🙂

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 10:52 pm

      Please don’t feel awful Pauline. I was in two minds about posting this because I didn’t want to ‘let down’ some people who see me being really positive all the time but there comes a point where you have to admin that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns all the time. I’ll get there I know what I need to do I just need to get my headspace back and I’ll do it. Exactly recognising it and being honest with yourself is so important and that helps you not let it get away on yourself. Thank you, that means a lot <3

  5. Anastasia at 11:14 am

    Hi Melissa
    Just read your latest post.
    I’d like to give you a couple of suggestions on how to make things much easier for you going forward so you don’t feel stressed and frastraited about your weight and eating.
    1. Throw away the scales
    You already know what you want to look like , what size clothes to fit. Trust me, you don’t need to weigh yourself all the time. The clothes, mirror and your personal feeling will guide you to where you need to be.
    Scales don’t show you mucels vs far ratio, your bone density , water content. So really they just add stress to your life.

    2. Concentrate on food 100% as it contributes to 80% success of keeping healthy. You know the expression “abs are made in the kitchen”. This is so true. Epecially when you feel sick. Don’t be hard on your self. Eat healthy and excersise when you feel better. Don’t stress about it. If you really feel the need to do something , take a walk, do some yoga (yin) which are more restorative classes that will help you finding inner balance.
    Cardio and weight training is important but only when you feel 100%. Don’t do it when you are not well, it will stress your body out and body will start producing hormon called cartisol that increase fat production in your body which I’m sure you don’t want!!!!
    3. Switch habits. I don’t know all ins and outs of your surgery and what you need to eat etc. But common scense tells me you not only need to concentrate on eating protein (yes it’s important) but also vegitables. From the photos of the food you normally post I don’t see much of vegitables. If you find it hard to digest due to your tummy being little, I’d recommend smoothies. It’s a great way to incorporate vegitables as well as protein. I’ll send you some recepies via fb that I found work brilliant for me when I’m busy running around with 2 kids , work and other things I do.

    To be continued 🙂 Veronika’s tennis lesson now

  6. Nerida at 5:53 pm

    Hang in there Melissa. I totally understand how you feel. It’s important to know that it’s ok to not be 100% all of the time. You’ve got this I know. Be kind to yourself always but especially when you’re not feeling well xxx

  7. Amanda Mackie at 8:29 pm

    I’ve been meaning to comment on this post since last week. I really appreciated you writing this article Melissa because it shows one of the realities that we all struggle with at some stage. While there is a lot of fantastic moments in this weight loss journey there are many times when we have to work very hard at various things. So thank you for your honesty and appreciated reading it. Cheers, Amanda

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 8:32 pm

      Thank you Amanda for your kind words. I’m glad you appreciate it, it was hard to post because sharing stuff like that is hard and I’m such a positive person most of the time. I think it’s important though for people to realise that life after surgery is not all rainbows and unicorns and it does get hard. I gave myself a bit of a break and I’m feeling way more on top of things this week and I feel like things have really turned around 😀

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