Jealousy With Weight Loss After Gastric Bypass Surgery

As I’ve grown up a bit since becoming an adult (I said a bit all right!) one thing I’ve learnt is that jealousy is going to follow you around in one way or another pretty much no matter what you do in life. Just try losing over half your body weight in a relatively short period of time and not have a single jealous person, I can assure you it’s not going to happen.

One of the things that should be taken into account before you have bariatric surgery is that your relationships with those closest to you are going to change and for some of those the changes won’t all be positive. Does your best friend or partner always try and undermine your weight loss efforts? You say you’re going to change your eating up to be healthy and try and lose some weight and they start offering you all the things you shouldn’t be eating? I hate to say it but theres probably some underlying stuff going on that could be exacerbated by doing something drastic like this.

I was talking about the topic of feeling jealousy from others after surgery with a group of other bariatric patients and quite a few of the girls said that their sister’s in particular have been quite jealous of their weight loss and transformation. Since I’m an only child I haven’t experienced this but it seems quite common.

The only person I’ve really noticed any jealousy from since my gastric bypass is my Mum. She has been overall really supportive of me and proud of what I’ve achieved but that green eyed monster does rear it’s head occasionally. It can be as easy as comments like, “Should you be eating that?” “That’s not healthy,” et cetera, et cetera. Mum jokingly now calls me ‘Skinny bitch’ but I know she’s not joking all the time.

I don’t let it bother me because I have a pretty thick skin and I only see glimpses of it. I think it would be a lot harder to deal with if it was a constant stream coming from her. I think for people in our lives who have also struggled with their weight it can be hard for them to see us taking such a huge step to finally get on top of our weight problem. It may also be scaring them because like with any surgery, weight loss surgery has risks and complications can arise and they are genuinely worried about us.

Having such a huge (excuse the pun) transformation take place over a short period of time can change the percived power within some friendships and other close relationships and make them harder. Unfortunately you have to accept that everyone may not react positively to your decision to have surgery and that you will probably come across jealously from someone in your life.

If you have someone in your life who is jealous of you after bariatric surgery I think you need to try and remember it may not just be about you. People are complex especially emotionally and you can’t let someone elses jealousy hold you back if you think that this is the best option for you. Do try to be sensitive though and if someone in your life is having a hard time accpeting your change try not to go on about it when you are around them.

Have you experienced jealousy over a transformation that’s happened in your life? Did you get a jealous reaction from someone you didn’t expect when you told them you were having bariatric surgery or sometime after in your journey? Comment below and let me know I’d like to know your experience too.

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There are 7 comments for this article
  1. Caffeinated Weka at 11:44 am

    Jealousy is a strange creature. Last year, I lost 10 kg of my 14 kg goal. The same people who had been opening criticising my weight for a long time were quick to say, “don’t lose too much weight” and “go on, just have a {insert high calorie food here}” and STILL to this day say, “I don’t understand why you don’t/rarely drink alcohol”. I have come to the conclusion that my weight loss is nobody’s business but mine.

  2. Anthea at 10:01 pm

    Some resounding thoughts here Melissa. I’d add that sometimes, jealousy isn’t completely clear cut either.

    I’ve mentioned to you before, but for any comment readers also: I had/have issues with my sister around this, I know she doesn’t support my choice and I asked her to butt out of anything to do with it or my eating. She has been unable to articulate her problem with my choice to have surgery and yet profusely opposes it. It took others mentioning she might be jealous for me to even consider it!

    Fortunately in most cases I hear of, the naysayers are few and there is much support. If only the negatory remarks didn’t cut so deep!!

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 6:31 pm

      Hey Anthea, I agree jealousy is a very complex thing. It can be eye opening how others react. Just know that you did the best thing for you and hopefully she comes around one day. Yes that’s also very true the support far outweighs the negative reactions! You are doing so well! Thanks for reading I really appreciate it 😀

  3. Pauline at 8:28 pm

    Hi Melissa,
    Interestingly, i am still pre op, but have lost about 8kg in the last few months, through lots of hard work, including a low carb, no alcohol diet, and lots more exercise. I am getting a few comments now like, ‘Are you sure you even need surgery…’ or ‘why are you still going ahead with it when you are doing so well’. Its tough because that tells me they think I am taking the ‘easy road’ and for whatever reason dont think its a good idea. So. I no longer talk to them about food, or diet, or weight loss… which is difficult in the lead up to surgery as it is pretty much all consuming! The article puts another perspective on things I had not considered! Thank you.

    • Melissa Peaks Author at 8:49 am

      Hi Pauline, Thanks for reading I appreciate it 😀 It’s interesting how people feel so free to offer their advice and opinions about something so personal to us isn’t it. I’m glad you figured out not to talk about it with them there’s no point subjecting yourself to their opinions if you don’t have to. Good luck with your upcoming surgery!

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